Monday, July 21, 2014

WWE The Big Event (1986)

The Big Event
August 28, 1986
Exhibition Stadium - Toronto, Ontario
74,000 in Attendance

"He said Toronto! Yaaaaayyyy!!!!" - The Rock

The baseball stadium did bring a welcomed bit of variety.

How the hell are they supposed to call the action from there.

 The Killer Bees (Jim Brunzell and B. Brian Blair) defeated Jimmy Jack Funk and Hoss Funk (with Jimmy Hart)
Towards the end of the match, The Killer Bees put on masks to confuse the ref as to who was the legal man. Not really a good guy move, but whatever.

The Magnificent Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) fought Haku to a time-limit draw
My feelings exactly.

 Ted Arcidi defeated Tony Garea
It's like a fantasy matchup I would have made with my generic dollar store wrestling figures.

Junkyard Dog defeated Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart)
For some reason Junkyard Dog attacked his opponent with a chain during the match. Again, not really a good guy move. But even stranger, the ref allowed it.

Bobby Heenan, King Kong Bundy, and Big John Studd defeated Lou Albano and The Machines (Super Machine and Big Machine) (with Giant Machine)
Yeah, let's put Andre the Giant, the most impressive looking athlete ever, in a mask.

Ricky Steamboat defeated Jake Roberts
The only match worth watching.

Billy Jack Haynes defeated Hercules Hernandez
CLAP----OFF!!!

 The Fabulous Rougeaus (Jacques and Raymond) defeated The Dream Team (Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake)
Why is everyone wearing the exact same gear?

Harley Race defeated Pedro Morales
Give 'em a break; they're old.

Hulk Hogan (c) defeated Paul Orndorff (with Bobby Heenan)
Who says Hogan has a limited move-set?

Decision:
One good match. The rest was fluff. And not even entertaining fluff. A bunch of generic characters doing very little to set themselves apart. The lone star belongs to Ricky and Jake. I can't wait to see what else these guys have to show me in the years to follow.
1 out of 5 stars

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

WWE WrestleMania 2 (1985)

Originally posted on CooleyChi.com


WrestleMania 2
April 7, 1986
Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum - Uniondale, New York
Rosemont Horzion - Rosemont, Illinois
Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena - Los Angeles, California

40,085 in Attendance (Combined)



Prologue
The gimmick behind this WrestleMania is that it took place in 3 different arenas, one hour each. The crowd got to see one hour live and the other two on the screens. Unlike WrestleMania 1, this one was on Pay-Per-View

New York
This section had the announcing team of Vince McMahon (whose announcing I can't stand) and Susan Saint James (some actress?).
How elegant?

"Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff vs The Magnificent Don Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) results in a double count out: This match was boring and short, with an unsatisfying ending. The crowd felt the same and chanted "Bulls hit" at the end. 

Macho Man Randy Savage (with Ms. Elizabeth) defends the InterContinental Title against George "The Animal" Steel: Think CM Punk vs Tensai. Weird match. George kept biting Macho Man, and even tried to eat the turnbuckle. Macho Man hit the flying elbow, but George kicked out. Macho rolled him up and used the ropes as leverage, securing the win.


Dat hair
Dat elbow

Jake "The Snake" Roberts defeats George Wells via pinfall: Another snoozer. Jake wins with the DDT. Then adds insult to injury by choking him with a live python. Where was PETA then?

Dat's nasty

Mr. T defeats Rowdy Roddy Piper in a boxing match via disqualification: This was actually a decent looking boxing match, with both fighters looking tired and hurt by the 4th round. Piper must have forgot that you can't body slam in boxing.




Chicago
We switch gears to what is now known as the Allstate Arena for the second hour of WrestleMania. This one is called by the fantastic Gorilla Monsoon, with help from "Mean" Gene Okerland and another actress I don't know by the name of Cathy Lee Crosby. This crowd seemed more excited.

The Fabulous Moolah defended the Women's Championship against Velvet McIntyre via pinfall: This match lasted all of a minute and 25 seconds, kind of like today's Divas matches.
Dat cover

Corporal Kirchner defeated Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Blassie) in a flag match: I don't know.

André the Giant defeated 19 other participants by last eliminating Bret Hart in a Battle Royal: The Fridge got the loudest pop. The match was kind of a mess, as to be expected with sports stars in the ring. Still, entertaining. It's amazing that you can fill a ring with huge wrestlers and football players and André still towers over all.
The other participants were Jimbo Covert (NFL player - Chicago Bears), Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin (Former NFL player - Dallas Cowboys), Danny Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes (Former NFL player - Pittsburgh Steelers), B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic (NFL player - Atlanta Falcons), Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis (NFL player - San Francisco 49ers), Bruno Sammartino, and William "Refrigerator" Perry (NFL player - Chicago Bears).

André with the Hitman

The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and The Dynamite Kid) (with Ozzy Osbourne and Lou Albano) defeated The Dream Team (Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and Brutus Beefcake) (with Johnny Valiant) for the Tag Team Championship: Too… many… matches.

Los Angeles
The announcing team here was Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira (Hey, I know her).

Not weird

Ricky Steamboat defeated Hercules Hernandez: Ricky has become my favorite wrestler of this era. I've never been so late to a party.

Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Uncle Elmer: Who now?

Now this is weird


Terry Funk and Hoss Funk (with Jimmy Hart) defeated Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana: This was a fine match. The JYD didn't get too much time to shine thought. And, unfortunately, no juke.

DAT'S CHEATING!!!

Hulk Hogan defeated King Kong Bundy (with Bobby Heenan) in a steel cage to retain the Heavyweight Championship: King Kong Bundy is the coolest looking thing. He's like from another planet.

Dat bird's-eye


Grade
This WrestleMania was too chaotic. And unlike the previous, had nearly no interviews. Celebrity commentators were horrible. Matches were short, and quality was low.
2 out of 5 stars

Thursday, July 3, 2014

NWA Starrcade '85: The Gathering (1985)


Starrcade '85
November 28, 1985
Greensboro Coliseum - Greensboro, North Carolina
The Omni - Atlanta, Georgia
30.000 (combined)

Why are there 2 Rs in Starrcade?

Ric Flair and Dusty Rhodes, the rematch. Hopefully this one can deliver.
But if it can't, at least I learned how to make gifs.

This is why you have to know how the layers box works

Brodus Clay debut imminent. 

"It's us! We're on the screen"
"WE ROCK!"

This scene is just gold. I can picture the director calling for glamour shots of the audience. The camera finds a group of gals in elegant gowns. He starts to pan. The director wants him to cut away from the bigger (but very excited) girl. Then the reaction on the last girl. It's some combination of surprise and disgust. Maybe she realized she sat on her friend's pie.

Jeez, why did kids even watch this stuff?

Then they toss it to this guy. Could he look any creepier?

Oh, god.

It's just... how come... why is everybody so old?

Krusher Khruschev defeated Sam Houston: Singles match for the vacant NWA Mid-Atlantic Heavyweight Championship

BOOOOOOO!!!!!

On second thought, I think I'll cheer for the Commie.

That ref must be a friend of Ric Flair because he's stylin' and profilin'.

Manny Fernandez defeated Abdullah the Butcher (with Paul Jones): Mexican Death match

Yoink!

That must have been a hell of a pimple!

I know she's excited!

Yay! Blood! A Thanksgiving tradition!

He's got it! He's got the sombrero!

Ron Bass defeated Black Bart (with James J. Dillon): Texas Bullrope match

Good, I was worried we weren't going to have more blood.

James J. Dillon (with Black Bart) defeated Ron Bass: Texas Bullrope match


Jeez.

Billy Graham defeated The Barbarian (with Paul Jones) by disqualification: Arm wrestling match/Singles match

And then they went on to have a regular match that was no more exciting.

Buddy Landel (with James J. Dillon) defeated Terry Taylor (c): Singles match for the NWA National Heavyweight Championship

I guess this guy is a 2 bit Ric Flair.

Complete with strut.


The Minnesota Wrecking Crew (Ole and Arn Anderson) (c) defeated Wahoo McDaniel and Billy Jack Haynes: Tag team match for the NWA National Tag Team Championship

Magnum T.A. defeated Tully Blanchard (c) (with Baby Doll): "I Quit" steel cage match for the NWA United States Heavyweight Championship 

First time I've seen Magnum T.A.. 

"You're monkey ass says I QUIT!"

This was actually a pretty good match. Nice pacing and very believable.

Jimmy Valiant and Miss Atlanta Lively (with Big Mama) defeated The Midnight Express (Bobby Eaton and Dennis Condrey) (with Jim Cornette): Atlanta Street Fight 

At first I thought this was a comedy match. Everybody was in outrageous outfits and dancing. 

But then there was a lot of blood.

The Rock 'n' Roll Express (Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson) (with Don Kernodle) defeated Ivan and Nikita Koloff (c) (with Krusher Khruschev): Steel cage match for the NWA World Tag Team Championship

So... these rocker guys are like heart throbs, I guess...

Dusty Rhodes defeated Ric Flair (c): Singles match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship

Get loose, daddy!

So majestic.

Not impressed.

5 hit combo!

This is what you paid to see.

I think the sports type celebration is actually kind of neat.

Decision:
The best Starrcade yet, but still hard to get through. When every match has blood, it becomes less special. Having the event split across 2 venues adds nothing of value. There was a freakin' intermission! You can really tell the difference between this product and what McMahon is doing. But what do I know, the girls at this event were screaming at the top of their lungs.
2 good matches (I quit and main event) means...
2 out of 5 stars